Thursday, 25 August 2011

Get it Right

As Rachel(Glee) says " Just trying to help, help everyone else, now i feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders" the lyrics in this song says it all about who I am. I am the girl who would do anything to make sure everyone is happy.. But sometimes is at my own expense. I am what you call a fixer.

A fixer, someone who just wants to fix broken things to make the world a better place. But some people would think that a fixer just likes to butt into things. That is not true. a fixer can really help if you understand the intention of the fixer. Yes, I am a FIXER. I rather see my self getting hurt than see other people do. I've walked away from situations knowing that I exist just to help them see the light. Just because i treasure friendship like no other. Who am I if i do not try to fix a friendship that has been going on for years. Do i just stand by and watch as it crumbles down.

I do know that some of my friends won't understand why I am like this. This is just who I've been since the first time you ever know me. you can never change this tiny part of me no matter how you try to do it because this is how i am proud to be. Knowing that i can help to understand a situation.

But sometimes, when people misunderstand me, they tend to make things go even worse. sometimes a new fresh of eyes and ears can help solve issues that has been there for a loooong time. But the willingness to accept these pair of eyes and ears has to be sincere and true.

As i listen to Rachel(glee) singing this song, i cant help to think that it relates to how I always feel. I always feel that my destiny is never to really have close friends who i can confide everything with. I feel this because when I try to have one, it somehow will crumble down. One incident that will always be fresh in my memory. something i will never be able to forget. A Pisces forgives but never forgets. I will always remember that quote and that day.. The day that still haunts me. The day that teaches me, make me realize the whole situation and how hard it is to trust someone. The dark day that i will never forget because instead of standing up for myself and the truth, i admitted defeat. I bowed to the illusion that everything happened because of me. That i was the one who made it worse. And every time i think about that day, i will always see the what ifs. What if i never knew the? What if i didn't know him? What if i just leave silently with my dignity still intact? What if? Being strip of the respect and dignity in just one night is never a good feeling. So i wonder, How many times will it take for me to understand and for me to get the situation right? This thought always wonder in my head,even to this day. Whenever a problem occur, i will always be brought back to that incident. The incident i will never ever be able to erase.

"my best intentions keeps making a mess of things"
"Finally someone will see how much i care"

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

I want my Superman to be a Mr. Simple

Every girl wants their own superman. A guy they can call their own. A guy who cherishes, love and care for them. For some of us that is one hard situation to have.

I finally got the courage to tell the guy i like after 3 years of liking him. But as i have expected, it was not meant to be. Did i feel devastated? Not so.. Am i heartbroken? not either. Just disappointed of the situation. As my friends know me, i am not the kind of person who goes for a serious relationship. So i was not really that bummed. I however would like to wish this guy of mine a good life.. Especially in mending his broken heart. Even if we were not meant to be, there is a lovely girl out there who will heal the heart of yours and keep it so that no one else can break it.. You can count on that.

A guy is sometimes a tough nut to crack. they are sometime egoistic and just not emotional. that is where we have to understand them i tutor them on the ways to treat a girl. Even if that girl does not happen to be you, we just have to protect us girls because we are the only ones who knows what we are feeling. So ladies, all this jealousy and rage is never good as it is a deadly sin.

Polygamy... A word that is usually feared but the ladies. The thought of your husband with another woman. Sharing his love, time and attention. Not all guys are perfect. Not all guys think clearly. And not all of them are useless. Polygamy should be use to help those in need. A woman who is sick and in need to be taken care of. The girl who nursed you or your sick wife and was there during the darkest time. Those are valid reasons in my book. But if that man wants to marry a young girl just because he wants to and he can, we have some serious issues to discuss.. Seeing a few of my friends going through this situation make s me wonder about my future to. Maybe now I'll say that i will be ok with it but what if it those happen and i think otherwise. That is something i have to ponder in the future.

Superman, someone who is strong and will always save us. That is usually what we look for in a guy. Someone who will always be there for us no matter how hard the situation is. Someone who will put himself in danger just to protect others. We always dream of that guy who will swoop in and save us. mending the broken heart in an instant. Cherishing every moment spent. But we always want things to be simple. No drama, no hassle, No complication. And easy journey. But why is it that sometimes that is impossible. To have a clear road ahead, without any obstacles? Well it is because it test us. Test us on how we will cope through the bad and the good. But when hitting an obstacle, do not let out the rage, shout or curse. Instead take a deep breathe and understand the situation. See the mistakes as well as a solution. it is never a one person fault. It takes two to tango. so both party will be at fault. Understand each other. Learn form the mistakes.. Grow with one another. Understand that is is hard to find love no matter your gender or your status. Cherish it when u do find that special someone.

P/s: Thanks to my lovely roommate Ms Ruhana Omar, I was introduced to Korean Bands. i do choose what type of song i like. And below just happens to be two of the latest ones... Enjoy

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

If I Die Young

The title itself should be more to eye opening or self finding.. But in this case no... i was thinking about some who has an ego of an elephant and who can be sooooooooo effing ignorant.. thinking that he/she is all that... it got me thinking about something from the ANTM couple of cycles ago..


These "deadly Sins" reminds me that it is deadly to relationships. all these feelings put together or either one can be hurtful towards some people.

1st: Pride
Excessive belief in one's own abilities. Pride is also known as Vanity. When one person thinks highly of themselves, it can be a bitchy move towards others... Don't mix confidence with pride.. Confidence is totally something else but some uses the confidence they have and manage to turn it into one of this sins.. Sometimes, to others who share the same burden of completing the same workload, but yet can calm themselves, and the other person just say that I'm important, I make it work, the other person can commit another crime by actually taking a knife and cutting the other person's VOCAL chord(the area)... Like get real, everyone else does the work but can shut up about it.. don't think highly of yourself as your victory is because of others...

2nd: Greed
The desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness. The sin itself manage to some up a lot. Some people have to much pride has they a greedy.. as I went back to my hometown in Kelantan, I'm still in shock... from KL to Kelantan we use the route they bypass Raub & Kuala Krai.. From KB to got to Tumpat(Dad's hometown), I felt that i went into a different universe, there in KB, how we all can see that it is building up, following the era we are in, but just as i cross that small one lane bridge, I see that we aren't really ready to step forward, the poverty that we still have, i can see it spread right in front of me, for almost a 30 mins ride.. even when i see my relatives i feel sadden.. Living in a cushy life.. my family helps the best they can. Hence they pay their ZAKAT in Kelantan rather than in KL or Selangor... That is why we usually go back during Fasting month.. also for the delicacies there..:p
I do hope than in 10 years, that state will be well out of poverty... if not for the parents, do it for the future generation..

P/S I'm quite proud that my cousin is doing well in school and getting funds from the government.. and the fact that Mum puts in more funds every month makes me feel proud to be brought up by them no matter how advance or modern this world is..

3rd: Gluttony
An inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires. This refers more to someone who eats their feelings.. Hence the rate of obesity... Me included.. Gotta lose some weight people.. but HOW!! i love my food!!! Went to london for a month, and was not eating meat for a week and i was like.. 'I WANT MY RED MEATS PEOPLE!!'.. Not so much of a fish person..

4th: Anger
Manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.. Anger is deadly.. sometimes when u are overcome with fury, wrath, anger, you do things you sometimes dont mean to... Hence the news we see, Acid throwing, killing family members, raping daughters... As Ross(FRIENDS) would say UNAGI... calming one self before doing harm to self or others.. Using different types of methods.. For example, Shouting at the top of your lungs or the best method is soothing one self with a breathing method... Taking deep deep breath.. and exhaling slowly...

5th: Envy
The desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation. The green eyed Monster as we all know.. Why should there by Envy in this world.. Envy can be a good thing, a drive for u to be better, a healthy competition.. however some just follows that little voices in the head saying that envy=fighting=jealousy, which sometimes leads to violence... Murdering, beating up, acid throwing.. Use the jealousy to strive for a better you... to make you a better person in work, and in personal life.. Ladies, if a guy finds another woman just to because he can. Dump he as he is not the gentleman he is suppose to be.. No point confronting the other woman for stealing your man as we all know that the man himself is a horny sucker.. You are way better than him to throw yourself away.. Walk away with head held high as there is someone better waiting for you with arms wide open...:D

6th: Lust
An inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body. As some say your body is a temple.. A thing you must care for and love it.. but as we can see, with all the adult shops everywhere..(literally everywhere in S'pore, even at the market of Bugis street) it shows that no one really treasures themselves anymore... Once, it was a trending topic.. a girl of maybe 14 or 15.. not quite sure, telling to the whole world that she is not a virgin.. how young are these kids.. Is there not an age limit to when sex can be perform... All religion states that lets save ourselves till marriage.. this is not just a belief but of dignity and health.. having multiple sex partners leads to STD's.. and the fact that the rate of AIDS has gone up says that we are practicing unsafe sex... No matter how religion tells you that u are not allowed to practice sex before marriage, we know that half of the population does not follow that belief.. but for us Muslims, this is nothing to be proud of. a girl barely out of her teens proclaiming to the whole world that her cherry has been popped puts shame not just to her, but her family and society... if there are who practices sex before marriage the least u can do is appreciate yourself... Safety is always a must.. we can see that condoms are sold practically everywhere in gas station, 7-e, even some mini markets as well as big ones... use it.. keep yourself safe... Do not be too proud of having done it as it is not something proud to do... think of the family as well...

7th: Sloth
The avoidance of physical or spiritual work. In other terms a couch potato.. in the real world, modern world, we do hope that there is not anybody like this anymore... But hope is just hope as we do see some who still live like this.. feeding off loved ones who strive for themselves.. who works constantly to make sure there is always food on the table.. How can somebody just lay there, not doing anything... not even willing himself to at least pray for his soul and the soul of others... surviving in the world like a parasite.. not knowing how they will end up like once they go to the after life..

As we read of all these deadly sins, we can see that these are not just some tales told to make sure that we will avoid it.. It is also and eye opener for the fact that these are in fact deadly sins towards others involved... taking life.. unappreciative, boosting...

a reminder to all that everything we see and feel is just for this world.. Build yourself for a better future where harmony and peace is always there...

P/s: This song is a country song and its soothing... Enjoy...

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

For The Rest Of My Life

2nd event: AMS

Thanks to a gorgeous and hardworking lady, i came across this blog .. just by reading this i think u guys can understand a lot..

However, when reading their Facebook Page, i cannot believe how they can insult and and actually have a conversation with each other will down grading Islam.. As i said in my previous blog, there is always an invisible line not to be cross... No matter what I was, am and will always be proud of becoming a Muslim... Even when sometimes i do not show how thankful i am that i was brought up as a muslim, i try my best to understand what a muslim really is.. Even when people say i have no right to discuss religious things when i my self my dresses and do not where the Hijab, but i do have my own opinion about how i see things and how it makes me feel.. Alhamdulillah the He the Might One is Forgiving and Merciful.. as when we do make mistakes that are sinful, HE welcomes us back with open arms once we regret and find the right path towards HIM...

P/S: Thank You O'Mighty One for Forgiving and also For Loving Us.. Thank You for the Family and Life YOU have given us...

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Lets Open Our Eyes

Alhamdulillah, Ramdahan has arrived.. no more touchy feely in this blog, just some 2 cents of mine of the current even...

1st event:Permission to change sex & name

Changing name may not be something weird to some of us.. My mum changed her name once.. her birth name was Hamzah, n she changed it to Hamidah.. <3 u MOM... Anyways, how bout changing ur gender @ sex?! well illegally lots of people do it.. just because??!! well, havent gotten an answer for that because no one i know has changed their gender yet..(Alhamdullillah for that).. what is the true reason to change someone's gender? Unless ur a Hermaphrodite, that may be a reason to be changing who u were born as.. someone wrote that gender is what your brains tell you you are.. does anyone agree with this?! from my point of view, Brain is PSYCHOLOGY..
we can tell our brain whatever we want..

As this is still a senstitive subject, and as I do not have enough knowledge to really debate or discuss further about this, I will only say what I know...
We were made and born as Allah S.W.T wanted us to be in this world.. how He made us, He should receive us in the same way.. there are lines not to be cross, once u change your physical appearence, and u regret, can u go back to how you were?

p/s: This song by Maher Zain: Open Your Eyes.. the symbolic of this song is for us to open our eyes and really see what has been going on lately.. May HE be Mercifull & Forgiving to us, Amin...

Monday, 11 July 2011


Loneliness... Something that will be faced at one point in life. Even when having everything, we sometimes feel nothing... How is it that we can feel nothing when we have a lot of things surrounding us... Family, Friends, Distraction... But is it enough? Is it Enough that we have all this but we feel lonely.

We always Hope that Distraction will help us see and feel all we need to feel. But was is the Distraction? What makes us feel like we are high up in the sky that we cant see the hard ground.

As I sit here wondering all of the IFs and the MAYBEs, wondering whether what we have achieved in life is enough, wondering if knowledge and skills is all there is to it...

As I am thinking, my play list played a song by BabyFace... Listening to this song made me think back all of the things that has happened... the achievement, the likes, the loves and the hurt... as I was looking back, I see mistakes... Mistakes that has been made all over again... Mistakes that was made and learned from...Mistakes that is in front but was ignored... Mistakes that we feel comfortable in and we are willing to accept that as fate... learning from it should be a priority as we can rise and be stronger than ever... But as it becomes a part of us, we ignore it, we accept it, we let ourselves get hurt by it...

As I write this Post.. I understand it more better... I feel out of place, I feel left Out, I feel like I don't fit in... so I am gonna accept it and grow from it. Accepting it with arms wide open and understanding... no matter how it hurts, No matter how hard it is, No matter what happens... this is something that we all need to do... let ourselves go from things that hurts us... If i keep on staying, The Loneliness will always be there... I will always remember the good times as well as the bad, the thick and thin, laughter and sadness...

As I accept this... some part of this song relates to how I feel... May we able to forgive ourselves and be strong for ourselves as the only person who can help us is ourselves and The O' Mighty One...

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

i've got you

as in the song itself, there are a lot of ways where by u can hurt a relationship. does not matter what kind of r/ship. it can be between family, friends, partners n others. this maybe the point where i feel it. n i can say congratulations. u got what u wanted n i'll be ok with it. n i get it. its ok.

i'm sorry to say this but this is who i am. u want to accept it, thank u very much. if u cant i'll still say thank you for being there no matter what. it saddens me that a r/ship can be broken when u can still be in a r/ship for all the right reason. to have fun, enjoy, go crazy n be wild. so what if u cant be the person to be there during the sad times. we can still be there for the good. but as u choose this path, i'll accept it without revenge, without hatred. it was love when we were all together for the fun n also the down times. n there will still be love in my heart for everyone, but we cant force a person to love let alone like us. it has to be sincere.

i am sorry for hurting u, i;m sorry for making u doubt a r/ship, i'm sorry for the way i acted n i am sorry for the things i say. i'm sorry u accepted me before n i am sorry u cant accept me now. i'm sorry for the sadness i caused n for the things that has happen.

i wont be sorry for letting the truth be told as i was not bitching, i wont be sorry for the attitude that i have as i thought ur suppose to accept a person for who he/she really is, i wont be sorry for not covering up ur lies coz all i wanna do is help u realized the stupidity.

i am not a drama queen, but i have to be an actor. i don't twist words but i do exaggerate sometimes. i don't create problems, but problems do tend to find me. i'm not a psychiatrist, but i'm a good listener.

we all try to grow up and be mature but in the midst of it, we do get caught in sticky situation. sometimes we handle it well sometimes we don't. and that may not be a bad thing. making mistakes is a part of growing up. how can we learn if we don't make it.

making friends is my expertise. meeting new people is what i do best. but sticking people in my life is always hard because of attitude n mentality. n that is not something to be sorry about. if its a match then YEAY!!!, if it is not HE may have something better installed in the future.

never let go of your friends, no matter how much u dislike or annoyed by that person, a friend is still a friend. increasing is better than decreasing.

i've learned a lot through this experience. i still have lots to learn n i hope i wont have the feeling of giving up or fed up. if there is, then there is, if not then lets just accept it n move on.

no matter what happens, i'll still be a good listener. but hey, its up 2 u whether u still want to or not. i'm accepting it n yes moving on without being a bitch,or wanting revenge, or using u for my pleasure. i still have my respect towards everyone, but i no longer know how long that respect is going to last.

p/s. think for urself n plz not follow others...