hush hush

wow!!!! now i get it.. now i understand why one tiny drop of poison can either kill or paralyze someone... to me the worst is paralyze... not being able to do anything by yourself.. instead having others to do it.. even having other to determine what time you eat, poop, sleep and even watch tv... hahahaha that is worst... not being able to fend for yourself.. having to listen and do what others are making you do... the fact that one tiny drop of poison being put by someone you once loved and loathed after.. the fact that you know that person may have put poison in your drink and yet you still drink it.. no questions ask.. maybe not even thinking twice... hmmm... what does that say about you...

now i get it.. now i know the ploy... now i know what is really going on.. now i understand completely... now i can let go for good... my mistake for trusting people.. my mistake for thinking that you will be mature enough to accept and shut up about it... my mistake for thinking that you can think for yourself... my mistake for hurting those i love... my mistake for thinking that you can change... my mistake for holding on to see that day happen...

now it came... my stupidity not to open my eyes earlier... my stupidity to actually think you have grown up... my stupidity to trust you... my stupidity to not see you are blinded by the ones you love and yet that person you love deeply is shitting you.. my stupidity to think that i really mattered...

this may happen once.. or twice... or maybe more times than i can imagine... this is something that i understand now... this is something that opened up my eyes to see the real person that has been instead those people all this time... at last i get my closure... at last i can finally be free without thinking did i make a mistake.....

i'm sorry to my lovely besties who got hurt in the process... that is all on me and i get it.. i love you guys for being there for me and tolerating through everything...

and for those who are on the other side.. do have a nice life... do have your own mind... do open your eyes... the stories that are kept can ruin all the relationships built for all of you.. but i'm not gonna bitch about it as i did love all of you.. the fact that i still fend for u guys in some cases just shows my stupidity.. hah!! that's on me... dont worry... your secrets are safe... they are kept tight so that i wont remember it at all... this just shows that actually i had enough of the secrecy and lies and backstabbing... the real reasons why i sudden picked a fight will evryone.. at last i am free and i'm surviving the broken heart by friends.... and i will never be wrapped around you fingers like the rest!!!


p/s.... this song is on my mind since hearing it often.. it may say for lots of things...... n plus its a must song in a place i know ;)