As Rachel(Glee) says " Just trying to help, help everyone else, now i feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders" the lyrics in this song says it all about who I am. I am the girl who would do anything to make sure everyone is happy.. But sometimes is at my own expense. I am what you call a fixer.
A fixer, someone who just wants to fix broken things to make the world a better place. But some people would think that a fixer just likes to butt into things. That is not true. a fixer can really help if you understand the intention of the fixer. Yes, I am a FIXER. I rather see my self getting hurt than see other people do. I've walked away from situations knowing that I exist just to help them see the light. Just because i treasure friendship like no other. Who am I if i do not try to fix a friendship that has been going on for years. Do i just stand by and watch as it crumbles down.
I do know that some of my friends won't understand why I am like this. This is just who I've been since the first time you ever know me. you can never change this tiny part of me no matter how you try to do it because this is how i am proud to be. Knowing that i can help to understand a situation.
But sometimes, when people misunderstand me, they tend to make things go even worse. sometimes a new fresh of eyes and ears can help solve issues that has been there for a loooong time. But the willingness to accept these pair of eyes and ears has to be sincere and true.
As i listen to Rachel(glee) singing this song, i cant help to think that it relates to how I always feel. I always feel that my destiny is never to really have close friends who i can confide everything with. I feel this because when I try to have one, it somehow will crumble down. One incident that will always be fresh in my memory. something i will never be able to forget. A Pisces forgives but never forgets. I will always remember that quote and that day.. The day that still haunts me. The day that teaches me, make me realize the whole situation and how hard it is to trust someone. The dark day that i will never forget because instead of standing up for myself and the truth, i admitted defeat. I bowed to the illusion that everything happened because of me. That i was the one who made it worse. And every time i think about that day, i will always see the what ifs. What if i never knew the? What if i didn't know him? What if i just leave silently with my dignity still intact? What if? Being strip of the respect and dignity in just one night is never a good feeling. So i wonder, How many times will it take for me to understand and for me to get the situation right? This thought always wonder in my head,even to this day. Whenever a problem occur, i will always be brought back to that incident. The incident i will never ever be able to erase.
"my best intentions keeps making a mess of things"
"Finally someone will see how much i care"